Saturday, April 18, 2009

New Life...New Me

So Robert will be home very soon and I am so excited! He will be home NEXT MONTH!! YES YOU HEARD ME...IN MAY!!!!!! Can you see my excitement!? LOL! I feel like a whole new person these past two weeks. I think there are a few reasons for that but I will say that everything is going great in my life. Yesterday I bought Robert a 2006 Black Ford Fusion. Yeah baby! It is so nice! I have so many things ot be thankful for. Its not just my material belongings either. It is my family. Granted most of them are adopted like, Kelly, Cassie, Tiffany, Germani, Britta and all...but they are my family. I have a beautiful daughter and a wonderful husband. I also have two little shit stick dogs who have been plucking me the past few days but hey... if that is all I have to complain about...then whatever. LOL! I am just stoked that all is finally good for a change. Everything is going right. Plus...98% of my friends are very happy with their lives as well. That makes me even happier. Well I am going to go and have a quick smoke then I am going to call my real dad....well now just my dad. I will TTYall later!


Saturday, April 4, 2009

Ran Into My Mother... I ran into my mother at WalMart...and you know what it went well...for me at least. She of course decided to ignore me and ignore her grandchild, but I was chipper and I said hello from a small distance and I made Emma's arm wave hello. Honestly, I dont think she could get into her car any faster and drive off.

So I have been working on the patience thing...and you know making a conscience effort and giving not only my face, hair, house and body a new makeover...but recently I gave my attitude a new makeover as well. I feel like with my house constinatly spotless, me dressing all bright and shimmery and the mere fact that I make an effort to watch me biting people's heads off and all has really been helping. I feel great and you know when I ran into my mother the other day, both my daughter and I looked great and I was feeling great! Honestly, I am not even bothered by it nor hurt or upset by it. I think everything is going to be OK. I dont see why it shouldnt be. I mean...I have a beautiful healthy daughter. I have a big 3 bedroom house with everything I could ever want in it...cept new furnature...but that is next month...LOL...and I have a wonderful loving husband...who plucks me at times...but hey..what are husbands for. I have everything I could ever want and more.

So why am I so upset and stressed all the damn time? Because of the past? Well there is not much I can do to change it and you know what... all I can do to make it better is raising my daughter right and giving her everything I never had. You know Britta and I were talking today and and I figured something out...with her help of course. I dont know how to be a mother 100%. But I do know, from how my mom treated us, how not to be a mother. So as long as I stick on the current course I am on...I have to be doing something right. You know what.. I really believe that too. Like I said...everything will be that does not mean without trials and all! You just wait and see.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Patience Is A Virtue

You know latley I have had a huge problem...this problem is I have no patience. I thought maybe it was just with Emma, but I am noticing it in all aspects of my life. Ever since this whole thing with my parents and the house being foreclosed on, I dont feel like myself. I am pushing the people I love most away and having no patience with them and I cannot figure out why. I would love to blame it on the house situation, but, I dont think I can. I think that I have been finally for the first time in my life overloaded. I think that my cup is full and begining to spill over and the bullshit that is spilling over is coming out as me pushing people away. Just yesterday one of my closest friends was trying to give me advice on my animal of a daughter and I bit her head off. For what!? She didnt do anything wrong! I was struggling and she was trying to help. At the time I didnt see it that way though. this specific friend I have bit her head off a shit ton of times in the past 3 weeks and you know...I guess she is a true friend b/c she is willing to put up with my bullshit. I feel horrible. I am also thinking my meds arent working anymore and I am starting to have a neg reaction to that happened I will never know. I just hope I get better soon...and I am also making a consience effort to get this shit worked out. No one deserves to be treated like this. I have to get ready to go.

Friday, March 6, 2009

Getting Started!

I am new to this....I hope I like it better than MySpace blog. I dunno. There is a lot going on right I will be venting a lot soon :)